Juliet Martinez

Thu, Aug 28 2003

Miss Rebozo 2003

I'm getting a lot of practice using a baby sling because Laila likes to be held a lot and I've taken to carrying her in her grandmother's long, black and white Mexican shawl, or "rebozo" in Spanish. I get Laila situated on my hip and tie the long, silky ends of the shawl in a knot that rests in the neighborhood of my opposite shoulder. I saw tons of indigenous women in Guatemala carry their babies like this as they went about their business. If the baby got hungry she was moved to the front to nurse; if she fell asleep the shawl became a hammock across the mother's back. It's a tender way of taking care of a little one while remaining mobile and having your hands free.

In the mornings if Laila has been awake early I can usually get her back to sleep in the rebozo, but of course then I have to carry her everywhere because if I try to put her down she wakes up pretty upset. So I figure this is good practice for once I have my own little baby who doesn't want to be put down, not to mention good for building lower-body strength. I sling Laila across my back and today, for the first time, I even changed Julio's diaper like that. Very proud of myself. It makes post-diaper-change hand washing so much easier, too.

So far when Laila gets up from these naps she has a huge smile on her face and gets right up to play. I take her out of the sling and end up walking around all morning in my baggy shorts and t-shirt with this elegant Mexican rebozo hanging diagonally from shoulder to hip, like a contestant in a babysitting pageant.

by Juliet Email me!

Tue, Aug 26 2003

Early morning

This is the second day in a row I have woken up around 4:30 a.m. Why? I have no idea. I had been awake for a while this morning when my leg started getting this weird nerve pain, like one of those intense itches that makes you twitch inadvertently. Except it was pain. I was cuddled up with Joel trying to fall back asleep when I started feeling the pain and the little spasms that accompanied it.

This is how I'm dealing with most of my weird pregnancy pains:

At onset: "It's probably just one of those normal pregnancy things."

Two minutes later: "I'm sure it's no big deal, just a pregnancy thing."

Three minutes later: "What if this is a blood clot and it's going to break off inside my leg, travel to my lungs and KILL ME???"

But I couldn't bring myself to page my midwife at 4:30 a.m. so that she could tell me I was right in the beginning and it's just one of those normal pregnancy things. Instead I got up and checked on WebMD, a source that I have never used before and can't say I instinctively trust. Still, WebMD says that the symptoms of a blood clot are nothing like my twitchy nerve pain, so I figure I'm okay. If anything happens to me, it'll be on WebMD's conscience.

***

We did the inspection yesterday, and it seemed fine. There's one biggish thing I'm concerned about, and the sellers are so nice that I hate to ask for it, but we'll probably ask anyway. The chimney needs a liner. It costs anywhere from $600-1200 to put in, which is not chump change. Other than that, the house is very solid and well-maintained. All in all, a good inspection.

One nice thing about the experience was that the man who is selling the house said to me almost right off the bat (and it was so cute coming from this 80-year-old ex-pharmacist), "Don't hate, communicate." We exchanged phone numbers agreed that if at any time the process of communicating through our various agents wasn't working, we would just talk face to face. I like that.

by Juliet Email me!

Sun, Aug 24 2003

Dum dee dum dee dum...

Now that Joel is doing all the arranging for the house hunt I find I'm much less stressed, but also wondering - where is the drama in my life? It was hectic but strangely gratifying to have this big important Thing I was struggling with, Something universally valued, Something everyone wanted to know about.

It's like how, when I was finishing my grad program I told people I was going to be a freelancer. I knew that it sounded so much better to the ears of my classmates and friends than my real plans: have a baby, write for my blog, figure out the rest as I went along. And the freelancer plan wasn't completely untrue. Sure, nobody's paying me to write, but my friend Shadan was just reassuring me that all I'm doing is putting the "free" back in freelancer. And I have so much editorial freedom!

On top of that, I'm really enjoying babysitting little Julio and Laila, and it's not just because of the fantastic hours. What if I'm really good at, well, babysitting? Why should that be less important than that other thing I'm pretty good at - writing?

I think the real Thing going on in my life is that the real plan is still going forward on schedule. I'm having a baby, writing my blog and figuring everything else out as I go along. Sometimes it's short on drama, but I still really love it.

(And for those of you following the ongoing house drama, the inspection is tomorrow afternoon. We briefly considered going with a cheaper, less thorough inspector because we've already shelled out over a grand on previous inspections. But if this is indeed the keeper, why would we do it on the cheap? So our tried and trusted inspector will be at the house at 1:00 tomorrow afternoon for what I hope and PRAY will be the very last inspection we will pay for, at least for a long time. I'll let you know what happens with it.)

by Juliet Email me!

Wed, Aug 20 2003

There's more to life than house updates

F'rinstance, I finished this awesome book last night. It was a gift from my friend Emi, who seems to have an intuitive understanding of the kind of nature writing I love. The book is Orchid Fever by Eric Hansen (not to be confused with The Orchid Thief, the book on which the AWESOME movie Adaptation was based). Orchid Fever comprises a whole lot of stories (the results of years of exhaustive reporting) about the bizarre world of orchid growers, collectors and enthusiasts. The locales range from Fire Mountain in Borneo to peat swamps in northern Minnesota, the characters range from duplicitous bureaucrats to conservationists branded as smugglers and collectors who've gone into hiding. The book delivers a scathing and well-supported criticism of the CITES (Convention on Trade in Endangered Species) treatment of endangered plant species, particularly orchids, and a vindication of those scientists, conservationists and collectors whose activities, Hansen argues, should not be outlawed. It's not just a book about plants - although orchids are pretty amazing - but about the lengths the people who love and/or want to control them will go to. As with any really good book, I was so sad to read that final page. Why can't it go on forever?

Now I'm casting about for something else to read and I think I'll start on War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning, by Chris Hedges. It's a book I heard about on NPR, bought because I thought it would help me with an opinion piece I had to write during spring quarter, then never read. This afternoon I might start reading it or just continue lazing around and watching all the crime shows I can find on cable. I feel like I'm fighting off a cold - ironic in this heat, isn't it? - so whether it's reading, vegging or eating soup, it's all going to be pretty low key.

Okay, though, since you got this far, I might as well give you the update. It looks like things are beginning to start working out for this current house deal. The VP of the home loan department at our bank says he can sign an exception for our loan program to cover this not-in-the-right-census-tract house once he has a contract. The closing date is set for the 12th (I think the sellers are okay with it - they'll retain possession until the end of the month), and, well, this could work out. Still, I'll believe it when I see it. I told Joel yesterday that I just don't feel like I can keep going with the stress this has caused me, and he said he'll take over making the phone calls, yelling at the nincompoops at the bank and consulting/commiserating with our agent, who is at least as emotionally invested as we are, bless his heart. If you need a good real estate agent, contact Jim Kramer. He's the best.

by Juliet Email me!

Tue, Aug 19 2003

BTW: night-owl babies This is the easiest babysitting I've ever done. I'm at Julio and Marylu's and the kids are STILL SLEEPING. Who are these children who sleep until after 9 a.m? I'm online, dinking around doing email and checking Mojan's blog, and the kids are out cold. This is what I call a hard day's work.
by Juliet Email me!

Blindsided.

So yesterday everything was going along pretty smoothly as we negotiated this contract. We're not worried about the appraisal - our agent combed through all recent sales to make sure they were in the right ballpark; our financing seems to be solid; the house looks to be in tip-top condition... No worries, right? Sure, until we called our loan officer about a few little questions that we needed to answer in order to settle the closing date.

Just a few little questions of ours, and then she asked us, "Why don't you give me the address of the house, so I can tell you if it's in the right census tract?"

"Huh?"

Turns out that, unbeknownst to us, we needed to look in certain census tracts only for a house to qualify for this loan program, and the house we are currently trying to buy does not fall into any of those areas. Our loan officer has NEVER mentioned this, so naturally we are again amazed, surprised and absolutely blindsided by another potential setback to buying a home.

Today we should find out if said loan officer can make it okay, but if this deal falls through Joel and I will probably take a little bit of a break from looking for a home. I mean, come ON. If four consecutive house deals fail due to increasingly bizarre circumstances, at some point we have to ask ourselves if we're fighting a losing battle against the cosmos' mysterious (and seemingly contrary) sense of timing.

The good news is the same as ever, though. Joel and I count ourselves lucky to have a marriage that can withstand these challenges, a much-anticipated baby on the way and an apartment that, for all our griping, is really pretty satisfactory. We have jobs and insurance and reliable cars we own outright. Our health is pretty good (though we both seem to be putting on the pregnancy pounds) and we have families who love us. Right now those things are looking more important than ever.
by Juliet Email me!

Sun, Aug 17 2003

Updates

Okay, this is the news: We've reached agreement on a price that is $10K less than what they were asking and about $5K more than we were hoping to pay, but still a great price for the house (if you could see it, you'd agree, but I have not mastered posting photos yet. Working on it).

Now the only sticking point is the closing date. We need to close soon, they are moving into new construction that's not finished yet. As soon as they find out when they can move, we'll figure out the closing date and see if this is going to work. It's a great house, but I'm trying not to get too attached. I'll post more updates as they arise...

by Juliet Email me!

Sat, Aug 16 2003

Back in the saddle again...

We went out again yesterday to look at houses armed with our commitment letter from the bank and two decidedly different approaches. While I have definitely gained a degree of detachment from the home-buying process, Joel is feeling the desire to get a house more strongly than ever.

All the houses we looked at were within a few blocks of Julio and Marylu's house, a neighborhood with similar amenities to McKinley Park: walking distance to a park and grocery store, an easy bike ride to the El. The added benefits, of course, are its proximity to Joel's work and Julio and Marylu's house. We looked at four or five brick bungalows and narrowed it down to three favorites - I realize that's not very narrow. The sentimental favorite smelled good and had a beautiful flower garden, but lacked a lot of other things we wanted. The intellectual favorite has had the same owners for the last 44 years, and they have kept that house in fantastic condition. One of Joel's colleagues is selling the other one we liked. It is a great house, but just a little less terrific than the intellectual favorite, for about the same asking price.

We spent a long time deliberating about what we should do, but I will spare you the exhausting details of our consultation. We decided that since the intellectual favorite was listed at around $15K over what we want to pay, we would bid $20K under the asking price. Then when we come up to what we want, it will seem that we're conceding something. At least that's the way we hope it will go. Of course, the whole thing could flop, the sellers could get offended and decide not to negotiate, and we'll be off looking for another house. I'm firm in my conviction that there are other houses out there.

There is one other consideration, though. Our commitment letter from the bank is good until September 10. After that we have to resubmit our paperwork and the bank will have to run another credit check. We did it before, we can do it again, but we'd prefer to get this thing over and done with. We put a closing date of August 29 on the bid we made, but again, who knows if the sellers are ready to move at light speed. The good news is that the processor at the bank told me that if we get a contract she will rush the appraisal through, since that will be the only condition to be met for financing.

So we're back in the saddle after getting thrown off yet again. But hey, we've got to find a house some time. Seek and ye shall find, right?

by Juliet Email me!

Wed, Aug 13 2003

Waxy I'm waxing my legs, watching TV and trying to drink enough water. I'm not sure if typing with wax on my fingertips is such a good idea. There is nothing new on the house front, but we will be looking at some houses on Friday near Julio and Marylu's house. They seem to have potential, but I feel my eagerness to get a house is tempered now by greater caution or maybe a very mild indifference. It's okay, though. I need some of that.
by Juliet Email me!

Sun, Aug 10 2003

Of night owls and nectarines

5:25 a.m. today:

I got up and walked into the living room where Joel was still up and on the computer.

"You're crazy, you know that, right?" I tell him. "But that's okay because soon you're going to think that I'm crazy, too."

Joel: "Why's that?"

"Because I'm going to Dominick's. It's the only place open and I need nectarines."

"Can't you wait till morning?"

"It is morning."

"Can't you wait till it's light out?"

"No. I'm hungry now. If I wait till the sun comes up I'll lose my mind."

Joel turned off the computer and laid down on the bed.

He said, "You realize the irony of this situation, don't you? That I haven't gone to bed yet and you've been asleep for hours."

"I finally slept well last night, and I really needed it. Anyway, I'd prefer if you went with me. This is supposed to be your job, you know, making midnight runs to get me food I want. But you're no good at picking out fruit."

Joel shook his head sadly, forced to agree that his ineptitude with fruit would force him to stay home and go to sleep. It's rough, isn't it?
by Juliet Email me!

Sat, Aug 09 2003

There are no jungle houses in the city

I think I finally figured out what the holdup is.

It's not that I think I can break this down in terms of what my friend Frank calls "crude causality." But there has to have been some reason behind the recurring delays, roadblocks and detours in our house hunt. At least I'm pretty sure there are reasons for random things that happen in life. For a long time I assumed that difficulties in life could be chalked up to the whims of a capricious and mean-tempered deity. Of course, this has no basis in any teachings of my religion or family beliefs. It probably has more to do with a little bit of a persecution complex on my part. For years my personal "God concept" went something like: God is love, but doesn't like me personally.

Hey, it's just as logical and consistent as those people who say "God is love," and "God hates gays."

I've been trying to leave off the last part of my God concept for quite a while, and have made some progress. Now when unpleasant things happen, instead of chalking it up to God having it in for me, I tell myself it's got something to do with my spiritual growth. That these are trials or life lessons that will help me grow as a person. Sometimes that sticks, sometimes it doesn't. At times during this house hunt I have definitely lapsed into thinking that God, like a kid with a video game, was taking aim at me personally just for the fun of it.

Lately I've been feeling less persecuted but no less mystified by these setbacks. I've had long philosophical discussions with Joel, friends, parents, our agent and anyone else who seemed available to engage in a bout of thoughtful head-shaking with me. Some have suggested that maybe some point of disunity exists between Joel and I, and that needs to be resolved before we can move forward. I keep checking with Joel, and we really do seem to be on the same page. Others have suggested that our criteria are too strict, yet others that we're not being strict enough. Some have offered that maybe we should put the search off for a year or so, but that just doesn't make any sense (because you know the baby can't be put off for a year or so, and this little apartment just isn't big enough for two adults, a baby AND Joel's drums. And the drums aren't going anywhere.)

The point is that we haven't been able to come up with any kind of cosmic sticking point yet. But I think I might have made some progress.

This morning I woke up super tired and hungry and kind of depressed. I had that wrung-out feeling that you get after riding an emotional roller coaster of the kind we've been on the last few days. I won't go into my hours-long breakfast odyssey of trying to appease the voracious fetus, but by this afternoon I felt pretty wiped. I turned on the radio to listen to This American Life and caught a David Sedaris monologue that was so funny, I won't even try to reproduce it here (but you can probably download it at Audible.com. It is on the episode called "Family Physics").

Anyway, I started laughing really, really hard. I mean I was laughing uncontrollably. The piece was only a few minutes long, but I was laughing so hard I had to lie down. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I thought for a moment I would laugh so hard that I would make myself throw up. Then I started crying.

It was simply a massive catharsis that, once begun, I couldn't stop. I sobbed like a little baby for 15 minutes or so, then a thought occurred to me about this house hunt. I remembered that even though we've only been looking for a house for 9 or 10 months, I've been fantasizing about having my own house for a long, long time.

In the pre-adolescent years I envisioned a farm with a white farmhouse and happy pigs and cows in a barn (for more on this, read this story); in my pubescent Duran Duran phase I pictured a mansion in the English countryside (where I would live with all the members of Duran Duran in a chaste yet flirtatious arrangement). After we moved to Guatemala I constructed a detailed mental image of a house at the end of a dirt road in a shaded jungle clearing. The house had an inner courtyard and a gracious screened verandah that wrapped around the four sides of the house. That fantasy included a rugged old diesel-fueled Land Rover held together with chewing gum and string. In my mind's eye I saw myself and my kids returning to that house from a trip to the market or a trip to another continent. In the fantasy we pile out of the jalopy Land Rover and the kids run toward the house with joyful shouts of homecoming. I wanted it to be a place I could always return to.

In the last 19 years I've lived in 27 separate residences, and moved between 3 countries. Over the years my mind, at least, has returned to the jungle house as my secret fantasy home. This icon of safety, security and rootedness has followed me like the ghost of someone I always wanted to know. As I've made my life in Chicago over the last 14 years, I've finally made a semblance of home for myself through marriage, a nearby sister and lasting friendships. The missing piece has been a house of our own.

Since Joel and I started looking to buy a house (in a city where I know we won't find the jungle house) I have subsumed the jungle house image and now apply the yearning for a home to almost every house we see. My longing to have someplace I can call mine, somewhere that I can't be forced to leave is still an overwhelming force in my life, regardless of my attempts at grown-up detachment. Maybe that longing has clouded my judgment about the houses we've seen and the ones we've tried to buy.

And maybe that's what I need to face, and then say good-bye to. Maybe I need to acknowledge that a house is just a house, but home is something completely different.
by Juliet Email me!

Fri, Aug 08 2003

Think of another kitchen

I'm on the sofa in my fleece sweats. I've declined Annie's invitation of dinner and a video, and am reading Birthing from Within. Today has just been a little too emotional for anything more.

First the news: we pulled the plug on the house deal. There's still a glimmer of hope, since the heretofore unreachable seller's lawyer has now magically appeared on the scene, full of confidence that he can get the seller to agree to things. But we have terminated the contract and requested a return of our down payment. We told them that if the seller wants to meet our terms, he and his posse know where to find us.

But for now we're going to move on. We've already sent some listings to Jim and expanded our search area to include the area around Julio and Marylu's house. We'll just see what happens now.

This is now house number three that we have attempted and failed to buy. Every time this happens it's like dealing with the death of a friend whose number you dial automatically before realizing she's not there anymore. In spite of my best efforts at restraint, I've pictured what living in this house would be like. Now I catch myself doing it, and then tell myself sternly, "No, that's not going to be your house. Picture some other house that you haven't seen yet."

Just now I was reading my book and started to think about the things women do to pass the time while they labor (if they labor at home, that is). I pictured myself huge, in labor, on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor of the house we're not going to buy anymore. "Think of some other kitchen," I told myself. It doesn't work.

Hey, so if you have some idea that could explain why we have had such a miserable success rate (0%) buying a house, drop me an email with your thoughts. I am totally stymied.

by Juliet Email me!

Thu, Aug 07 2003

Thursday night with Breyer's

No word yet from the seller, and I, for one, am gearing up to start looking for another place. Maybe we'll get lucky and be able to buy the blonde brick bungalow that's for sale on Julio and Marylu's block. That would rule! Marylu and I decided we would be like Lucy and Ethel (I volunteered to be Ethel - Marylu's much funnier than I am).

On top of that once the school year starts I will be taking care of their kids, (little) Julio and Laila, while Marylu works mornings at the Catholic school by their house. You know I'm so down with the short commute.

Maybe it's the now rather mild stress of losing yet another house, or maybe Joel's whispered advice to the baby to eat more Breyer's ice cream, but I broke free from my fears of dairy this evening and ate a big bowl of Breyer's French vanilla. That's right, French. Chew on that, G.W. Bush.

We are planning to make one last trip by the seller's house tomorrow to see if this thing can be salvaged. I'll post after 5:00 with the Final Answer.
by Juliet Email me!

Wed, Aug 06 2003

The clock is ticking

Yesterday we got dressed in presentable clothes (read: not shorts and T-shirts), pulled a package from our shrinking reserve of Puerto Rican coffee, packed it with a big circular Danish from Dominick's, and went over to the seller's house unannounced. We figured that since he had been there every other time we had gone by, he might be there yesterday. Besides, we couldn't find his phone number through directory assistance or online.

So we went over there, and of course he wasn't home. Nobody was home but their 10-inch-tall, chubby and balding black mutt, whose presence is announced by signs on the fences that say, "Caution! Attack dog." When we rang the doorbell the dog barked like crazy, but nobody came to the door. We labored over a note in Spanish, which we taped to the door, then came home.

When our agent, Jim, called later, I told him we wanted to meet with the seller. Surprisingly, he agreed it was a good idea. He said he'd call the listing agent and get us the number. I also told him that if we can't reach an agreement by Friday, Joel and I have decided to pull out of this contract and go looking for another house.

Now it's Wednesday and it's after 3:00. We haven't heard anything all day, and believe me we haven't been away from the phone. Nothing is more important than trying to get this house before Friday, which is why we stayed in bed until noon, within arm's reach of the phone, then lazed around in our shorts and T-shirts till now. It's all about sacrificing for the house.

As in the past, I can't say I have the greatest feeling about us getting this house. The situation reminds me of something I read once where someone said that during a drought when most people pray for rain, some people pray to be at peace with the drought. That's where my prayers are tending these days. I just want to be okay with whatever happens once it happens.
by Juliet Email me!

Tue, Aug 05 2003

This might sound crazy, but... Joel and I have decided to contact the seller directly without telling our agent or lawyer. It's just too constipated to keep attempting to communicate through so many intermediaries. We're hoping that with a little face-to-face we can iron out the points of contention and come to an agreement that works for everyone. Wish us luck!
by Juliet Email me!

Fri, Aug 01 2003

I don't mean to keep you in suspense

...if you're wondering about the house situation. This is the latest:

The final appraisal came back a little better than first expected, thanks to the efforts of our agent and the listing agent. But it's still about $14K below the original agreed-upon price. So now we're in negotiations with the seller about him dropping the price. If he'll go down $10K, we will not have to put any more money down, and obviously this is ideal. I mean come on - we're not rolling in dough, except compared to poor people in the rest of the world, in which case we're ridiculously wealthy. Still, that doesn't help us buy a house here.

You may wonder if we are making the right move, potentially overpaying or even buying into an iffy neighborhood. That's reasonable to ask, and you wouldn't be the only one to raise the issue. But a big reason the market value of the house is lower than we thought is that people in that neighborhood don't sell their houses. They tend to stay there because it's a nice place to live, even though that depresses the market value, oddly enough. No bank can quantify a nice place to live, but it's still important to us. Also, the house is within walking distance of Joel's work and two families we are very close to. They are Joel's two closest friends from high school, their wives and young kids. While that would not induce us to buy an overpriced dump in a really bad neighborhood, it is certainly an incentive to buy a slightly overpriced but very solid house in a pretty good neighborhood. See what I'm saying?

So we're still in negotiations with the seller. One bone of contention is the closing date. He wants to close at the end of August, we want to close much sooner. End of the month is just super inconvenient for us, as I'm sure mid-month is for him. He needs to find an apartment, and they generally open up at the end of the month. I should know. I'm actually wondering if maybe they want to just trade places: we'll go live in their house and they can live in our apartment. Problem solved, right? It's unorthodox, but creative. Somehow in this age of lawyers and agents mediating everything, I doubt my idea will get very far.

But right now, in the quiet darkness of my bedroom, with my computer screen glowing soft in my eyes, that simple and direct solution seems possible. I imagine that feeling will fade in the cold light of day.

I'll post any new developments that arise.

by Juliet Email me!

Check it

My friend Mojan (of It's a Blog Eat Blog World fame) just turned me on to a very funny blog called dooce.com. The author is also in early pregnancy and her take on it is just damned entertaining to read.

Joel also has directed me to www.oddtodd.com. The movie takes a LONG time to load (especially for those of us still stuck in the dial-up stone age), but it is a hilarious account of one man's unemployment. It's a little like those comedy-dramas, "dromedies," except this is a kind of economy-comedy, "ecomedy." I just made that up.
by Juliet Email me!